Taking Care of Business

This day has been a rare productive day in my short Melbournian life. Question, you ask? Answer, I give!

I have been suffering from violent, uncontrollable body spasms that cause me to barf up blood and scream obscenities in the night a bit under the weather lately, so I thought I should see a doctor. I have travel health insurance but had to call the company first to set up a file number for the specific ailment (what happens in an emergency if every phone-operable appendage was cut off in a gory, but hilarious, manner? I still have to call before they can staple my wang back on?). Anyway, I set up an account with SKYPE so I could make the call cheap-like instead of getting raped by my mobile company, let’s call it “flOPTUS“. After a nice chat with my friendly, English-speaking agent, I still had enough credit left to make many hours worth of overseas calls! So I called and chatted with a couple friends back home. Want a transcript? Of course you do.

Tony: Hiiiiidy ho!
Friend: Hello? Tony?!
Tony: That’s a fact, Jack!
Friend: How are you?
Tony: Dy-no-mite!
Friend: Good to hear from you.
Tony: Keep on truckin’!
Friend: OK, bye!
Tony: Catch you on the flip-side!

After that, I decided to roll out of my blood-soaked bed and head down the street to purchase a beard (body-hair) trimmer from a store dealing entirely with shaving and shaving supplies! It’s a hairy-man’s utopia. Well actually a paradise, but I’m just splitting hairs. After procuring my reasonably priced, industrial-strength trimmer, I noticed that they were hiring. I had a little chat where I turned on “the old Zucco charm” which led to the dropping off of a resume! How sweet would it be to work at a sweet store just around the sweet corner?! Very.

After taking the trimmer for a spin, I headed into the city to see my appointed doctor. The seductive Ms. Doctor figured out what I had and prescribed me a drug to fix all my problems. ALL of them. What’s the best medicine? Medicine.

I then met up with a friend to see a film-fest-flick and hurried home to write this blog post. Business? Taken care of.

Me.